I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
