I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
