ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
