Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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