i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
