Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This toilet bowl is my home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
