Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
