Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
