he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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