I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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