naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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