i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
