I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
