Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize