did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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