fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she peed on how many people?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
