Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
