I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
