You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
