Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
