Please, let me fuck your mom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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