Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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