so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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