If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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