I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
