Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
