The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
