i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How's work?
Spinning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
