Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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