All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
