Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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