Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
