Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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