Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
