So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
