you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
