I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
