ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
