i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
