This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
