Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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