I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
