Texts From Last Night

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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

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  (320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl
  Replies (38) Good night (1805) Bad night (5294)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars

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  (404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably (1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars http://tfl.nu/q62q
  Replies (6) Good night (5633) Bad night (570)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.

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  (804): I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life. http://tfl.nu/74qx
  Replies (17) Good night (5614) Bad night (794)
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  (559): View more from California

  i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

  (559): View more from California

  ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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  (559): i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers... (559): ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win! http://tfl.nu/147d
  Replies (29) Good night (7033) Bad night (842)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

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  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (808)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.

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  (734): I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel. http://tfl.nu/6ex0
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (1913)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.

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  (712): in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am. http://tfl.nu/pxzm
  Replies (5) Good night (2511) Bad night (1100)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".

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  (973): Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise". http://tfl.nu/r9vi
  Replies (7) Good night (960) Bad night (1957)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...

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  (325): She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe... http://tfl.nu/oipp
  Replies (13) Good night (1121) Bad night (657)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  Sounds like a good New Years

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  (204): I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this. (1-204): Sounds like a good New Years http://tfl.nu/ss2q
  Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (534)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

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  (414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc
  Replies (6) Good night (1169) Bad night (275)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night

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  (614): You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night http://tfl.nu/2x2r
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (217)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again

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  (850): If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again http://tfl.nu/wd88
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (209)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.

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  (920): Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable. http://tfl.nu/w3qs
  Replies (2) Good night (349) Bad night (334)
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  (315): View more from New York

  she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho

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  (315): she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho http://tfl.nu/b0zw
  Replies (3) Good night (597) Bad night (188)

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