His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.