I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
