I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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