dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.