There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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