wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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