You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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