dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
