Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
nutella sex= disaster
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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