YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
