I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
