I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
