i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
