I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
