google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
