woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize