Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
