According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
