It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
