Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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