I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
