I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
