At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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