I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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