the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
