Small penises have feelings too.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
