Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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