So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
