the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
