I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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