I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
