I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
