I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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