matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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