So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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