I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
