Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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