What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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